OMG, I’m pregnant! What do I do now?
Like most nineteen-year-olds, Deirdre Curley was thinking about boys, parties and independence. She was living in Glasgow, care-free and falling in love with her ideal guy. She didn’t expect to find herself staring at the pink line on an at-home pregnancy test. But suddenly there she was: definitely pregnant and wondering what on earth she should do next.
In this warm and witty memoir of falling in love and falling pregnant, between stories of heartache, growing up and taking the plunge into parenthood, you’ll find all the information and resources you need to help you at each stage of your pregnancy, to make sure you’re doing what’s best for you and your baby. The trimester-by-trimester guide takes readers through Deirdre’s own experience and provides practical advice from a registered midwife about exactly what is happening to your body (and when), and what you should be doing to ensure you stay on the right track.
With useful tips, such as how to break the news to friends and family, Growing up Pregnant is a must-have book for young mums exploring what it means to be pregnant when you feel like you still have growing up to do.
Reflections
We based our decision on having a baby on the love we shared. We didn’t have all of the materialistic things in life that one may assume you need to have in order before trying for a baby. We hadn’t even had a conversation about having one. I held a lot of fear inside me when I found out about the pregnancy at first, but it diminished immediately once I opened up and told Gary. In fact, when I looked at him after coming out of the bathroom on that cold December day, I blurted out the words, ‘We’re having a baby’ not ‘I’m so sorry, I got pregnant.’ Everything from within just felt right. It could have only been down to love.
I think love really got me through the ordeal of telling people too. Because although I knew that people may judge me harshly, I knew that I had a handful of people who really loved me. I knew people were going to think something along the lines of That’s not very responsible, becoming a parent when you’re just a baby yourself, but in my heart I knew the life we could give to our baby would be a life full of love. We felt that love was enough.
I’d grown up a lot since leaving home and in the many summers spent away from my parents pursuing my hobbies. I knew deep down that although I may appear irresponsible and selfish at times (because well, I was nineteen remember!) that I had grown up quite a bit by learning the hard way. I was constantly facing my fears, and facing knock-backs in my life. Whether it was rejection letters from acting schools, being told I was too small to play roles or not blonde enough to play the ‘pretty’ one, acting certainly wasn’t the easiest career I could have picked but it had taught me a lot in the years of doing it. It toughened me up a little. It forced me to be adventurous and it gave me a little taste of freedom from myself. I always enjoyed stepping into the shoes of someone not me. I gained more appreciation that although we all walk around in these beautifully formed bodies, we are all very different. We are all our own characters. We all have our own shit going on that no one on the outside world ever has to know about. But pregnancy wasn’t a mask I could hide behind.
I found myself putting some of my acting skills into practice during pregnancy. Whether it was smiling lovingly as people commented on my growing bump, turning up to the office pretending not to be pregnant, or maybe it was just the simple fact that I was pretending to be coping well when sometimes I just wanted everything to stop. I carried on. I was really nailing this new character that I decided to walk in the shoes of and my acting at times was sublime! I really was becoming a new version of me, one that was learning to become a mother.
The odds were stacked against us in the beginning. No one knew what the outcome would be. There are so many who decide to have their children when they least expect it, and when you least expect it sometimes you will just have to trust your heart. Whether you are going to have to bring your baby up alone or you have to go through a pregnancy without support, if you believe it’s right in your heart, then you are bound to make it work. It really could have gone either way for me. I had taken a major risk. But I had been taking risks all my life. I’d galloped around arenas horse jumping over fences four times bigger than me. I’d been left stranded on a rock in a surging river. I’ve dangled into a skip upside down to recover a misplaced item. I risked my reputation wearing the biggest beard as the smallest dwarf in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs school pantomime. I ran away to set up home by the river at nine years old. I had fallen asleep in my flat too inebriated to close the door, only to be awoken by the postman dropping letters on my head.
Susan Jeffers summed up my feelings perfectly when she wrote the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. Did I really need approval from anybody if I knew that I could go through with it? I realised I didn’t. I was trusting my instincts. Was I unsure? Yes. Was I terrified? Yes. Did I know what my life was going to look like a year from now? No. But I was facing my fears and doing it anyway. I felt that this was the right thing to do. This was a risk I was gladly willing to take for love.
Just like with my career and at times throughout my life there was one word that I kept referring back to during my pregnancy: patience. Patience with my body. Patience with my mind. Patience with people.
It seemed to keep me grounded as many changes began to happen around me. I knew I had to be patient, especially with all the millions of thoughts flying around in my busy mind. Being patient with myself and my feelings enabled me to slow right down and take moments out of my day to reevaluate, ask myself if I needed a break, or if I just needed a moment to stop. Sometimes you just need to stop. The beauty of pregnancy is that you don’t have to do very much as your baby grows inside you, so you’ll find moments when you can just be calm. Things begin to settle down after all the highs and lows of the first trimester, and reality settles in that your body is doing something incredible for you. But have patience with your body, mind and people. You deserve to carry that word with you.
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